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Lying Will Out. 



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LOST IN LONDON. A Drama in 3 Acts. 

6 male, 4 female characters. 
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By J. B. Buckstone. 5 male, 3 female char. 
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Thomas Archer. 15 male, 3 female char. 

39. A VERY PLEASANT EVENING. A 

Farce in 1 Act. By W. E. Suter. 3 male char. 

40. BROTHER BEN. A Farce in 1 Act. By J. 

M. Morton. 3 male, 3 female char. 

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43. SUNSHINE THROUGH THE CLOUDS. 

A Drama in 1 Act. By Slingsby Lawrence. 3 
male, 3 female char. 

44. DON'T JUDGE BY APPEARANCES. A 

Farce in 1 Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 male, 2 
female char. 

45. NURSEY CHICKWEED. A Farce in 1 Act. 

By T. J. Williams. 4 male, 2 female char. 

46. MARY MOO ; or, Which shall I Marry? 

A Farce in 1 Act. By W. E. Suter. 2 male, 1 
female char. 

47. EAST LYNNE. A Drama in 5 Acts. 8 male, 

7 female char. 

48. THE HIDDEN HAND. A Drama in 5 Acts. 

By Robert Jones. 16 male, 7 female char. 

49. SILVERSTONE'S WAGER. A Commedi- 

etta in 1 Act. By R. R. Andrews. 4 male, 3 fe- 
male char. 

60. DORA. A Pastoral Drama in 3 Acts. By Chas. 
Reade. 5 male, 2 female char. 

65. THE WIFE'S SECRET. A Play in 5 Acts. 
By Geo. W. Lovell. 10 male, 2 female char. 

56. THE BABES IN THE WOOD. A Com- 

edy in 3 Acts, By Tom Taylor. 10 male, 3 fe- 
male char. 

57. PUTKINS ; Heir 1 3 Castles in the Air. 

A Comic Drama in i Act. By W. R. EmersoD. 

2 male, 2 fe.i.alc char. 

68. AN UGLY CUSTOMER. A Farce in 1 Act. 
By Thomas J. Williams. 3 male, 2 female char. 

59. BLUE AND CHERRY. A Comedy in 1 Act. 

3 male, 2 female char. 

60. A DOUBTFUL VICTORY. A Comedy in 

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61. THE SCARLET LETTER. A Drama in 3 

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62. WHICH WILL HAVE HIM? A Vaude- 

ville. 1 male, 2 female char. 

63. MADAM IS ABED. A Vaudeville in 1 Act. 

2 male, 2 female char. 

64. THE ANONYMOUS KISS. A Vaudeville. 

2 male, 2 female char. 

65. THE CLEFT STICK. A Comedy in 3 Acts. 

5 male, 3 female char. 

66. A SOLDIER. A SAILOR, A TINKER, 

AND A TAILOR. A Farce in 1 Act. 4 male, 
2 female char. 

67. GIVE A DOG A BAD NAME. A Farce. 

2 male, 2 female char. 

68. DAMON AND PYTHIAS. A Farce. 6 

male, 4 female char. 

69. A HUSBAND TO ORDER. A Serio-comic 

Drama in 2 Acts. 5 male, 3 female char. 

70. PAYABLE ON DEMAND. A Domestic 

Drama in 2 Acts. 7 male, 1 female char. 



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LYING WILL OUT. 



a Comefcg in jFour Sets. 



H) A PELHAM CURTIS, U.S.A., 

AUTHOR OF " UNCLE ROBERT," " NONE SO DEAF AS THOSE WHO 
WON'T HEAR," ETC. 



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^ 






DRAMATIS PERSONS. 



ANTHONY QUAVER, a Musical Enthusiast. 
EDWARD QUAVER, M.D., his Brother. 
ARKWRIGHT, a Professional Musician. 
TOM GROWL, his Nephew. 
TOOKEM, Chief of Police. 
MONTAGUE SHARP, a Lawyer. 
SOPHIA, Wife of Anthony Quaver. 
CAROLINE, her Sister, engaged to Edward. 
FREDERIC, Brother of Caroline and Sophia. 
ELEANOR, Daughter of Arkwright. 



Scene — Boston and Longwood. Costumes — Modern and 
appropriate. 

[The actor taki7ig the part /^Arkwright should have some 
acquaintance with the piano.] 



Copyright, 1880, 
By LEE AND SHEPARD. 



Note. — For the right of representation on the public stage, 
managers of theatres can address the publishers. 



TMP92-009005 



LYING WILL OUT. 



ACT I. 

Scene i. — A parlor in Anthony Quaver's house, Bos- 
ton; doors R. and i.. and C. ; table l. c, lounge R. c. En- 
ter Edward Quaver from door at L. ; takes hat from 
table, and goes towards door in F. 

Caroline {at door l.). Edward ! will you leave me thus 
in anger? 

Edward (returns). Have I not ample cause, Caroline ? 

Caroline. What cause, pray ? 

Edward. Another untruth ! Another falsehood ! 
(Crosses.) 

Caroline. Falsehood ! What an unkind expression ! 

Edward. Is it not the correct one? 

Caroline. Goodness, Edward, a mere nothing! A 
trumpery white fib ! Remember, I'm a woman. 

Edward. And is that a sufficient justification for violat- 
ing the truth ? 

Caroline. Of course not. But they say women must 
fib in self-defence, once in a while. Weaker vessels, you 
know. It's a part of our nature. 

Edward. You wrong your sex, Caroline. Besides, 
those who begin with trumpery white fibs, generally end 
with big black lies. 

Caroline. Gracious, Edward ! What have I done, 
after all, to make you so portentously solemn over it ? 

3 



4 LYING WILL OUT. 

Edward. I asked you, by mere chance, where you 
spent the afternoon yesterday, and you told me at Williams 
& Everett's; and now I find — 

Caroline. Well, dear, there were ever so many reasons 
why I couldn't tell you the truth, — at least, why I didn't 
wish to. But I'll tell you now, really, if you insist. 

Edward. No : I don't insist. Go where you like, do 
what you like : I shall never object. But do not, do not 
deceive me. 

Caroline. I never will again, believe me. 

Edward. But you've given me that promise so often 
before. 

Caroline. You really make much more of it than you 
ought, Edward. I'm not so much to blame as you imagine. 
I could scarcely have avoided it, I assure you, for many 
reasons. Though I own there's a sort of pleasure, some- 
times, in fibbing. It sharpens the wits ever so — 

Edward. What possible pleasure is there in telling a 
lie ? And how can it sharpen one's wits ? 

Caroline. Oh ! you think it a very simple matter, no 
doubt. But you are much mistaken. 

Edward. Surely, Caroline, the merest blockhead can 
tell a lie ! 

Caroline. Not by any means. It takes brains. Try it 
once, dearest, and you'll agree with me, I am sure. 

Edward. I ? Heaven forbid ! 

Caroline. Well, I promise solemnly to amend for the 
future. Is it peace once more ? 

Edward. Yes. 

Caroline. And must you go out? Cannot you spare 
me another half-hour ? 

Edward. Indeed I cannot. I have half a dozen patients 
to visit. 

Caroline. You'll come back in time for tea ? 

Edward. If I can. Farewell, darling. Remember your 
promise. {Exit c.) 

Caroline. Phew! That was a breeze. He asks too 
much, on my word. What right has he to expect me to tell 
the absolute truth every day of my life? But I must make 
haste. That bracelet he gave me, I must find. What could 
I say, if he were to miss it ! Another fib, sure, and another 
quarrel ! {Exit L.) 



LYING WILL OUT. 5 

{Enter Edward, c.) 

Edward. Caroline ! — gone ! ( Walks rapidly towards 
door, L. Pauses, and comes back.) So it sharpens the wits 
to tell a lie, she says ! I feel amazingly disposed to show 
her her mistake. I might, just once. No, no ! after all 
I've said, it would never do. And yet the temptation is 
great. By George, I believe I will! — just to refute her. 
Oh, pshaw ! how ridiculous ! Yet I don't know. Why not, 
just for once ? The lesson would do her good. I've a great 
mind to put my pride in my pocket for once. Let me see 
— what should I say, supposing I decide to try the experi- 
ment? It ought to be something not incredible nor ex- 
travagant, but still rather unusual. Let me think. A 
thousand-dollar fee ? No, no. She'd never believe it. A 
grand prize in the Louisiana lottery? No: she's goose 
enough to think that Secretary Key has made that impossi- 
ble, and she'd cross-examine me into madness. Besides, 
she'd insist on seeing the money. No : some trifle. I have 
it! I'll mention carelessly, as it were, I took a ride a- 
horseback yesterday afternoon, and show her how easy it is 
to make a consistent story of it. Yes, that'll do. I'll have 
a hearty laugh on her; for she knows I hate riding, and 
haven't done it for years. Ha, ha, ha ! (Goings c, meets 
Frederic, who enters c, and brings him down) 

Edward. Well, Fred, where are you from ? 

Frederic. Guess, doctor. 

Edward. A difficult matter. Some fresh folly, I war- 

Frederic. Pooh! don't preach. Folly? What d'ye 
mean ? What you call folly, I call fun. Why shouldn't I 
enjoy myself? , 

Edward. You are a capital fellow, Fred; but hadn't you 
better stick a little closer to your profession? I'm afraid 
your money will work your ruin yet. 

Frederic. Stuff! Now, come, Edward. I want your 
advice. I'm in a dreadful funk just now. 

Edward. In love again, of course. 

Frederic. Again ? For the first time in my life ! But 
you've hit it. I'm chock full ! so full I can hardly eat. 

Edward. Well, go ahead. 

Frederic. No. On second thoughts, I'll keep dark. 
You are too strait-laced, doctor. 



6 LYING WILL OUT. 

Edward. Fred, Fred ! 

Frederic. Don't be uneasy, Ned. You shall dance at 
my wedding, and be my groomsman too. 

Edward. Well, well. It's all right, no doubt. I hope 
so. But I can't be kept here by you for nothing: I have 
too much to do, especially as you won't divulge. So good- 
by. Don't delay me. {Exit c.) 

Frederic. I was a fool to tell him as much as I did. 
He's sure to let the cat out of the bag. Carrie will pump 
him, of course. Hadn't I better go to her at once ? 1 won- 
der where Tony is. 

{Enter Anthony, r., with hat and cane. Speaks off) 

Anthony. I'll be back by tea-time, my dear. {Comes 
down humming an air.) 

Frederic. Ah, ha, Tony! Dreaming as usual of the 
music of the spheres ? Always at it. {Slaps him on the 
back.) Anthony ! Wake up, I say ! 

Anthony. Eh? Oh, Fred ! Glad to see you — glad to 
see you. 

Frederic. Tony, if you've recovered your wits, I want 
to get your advice. 

Anthony. Unless it's very important, I wish you'd 
postpone it, Fred. You'll bother me. I'm trying to recall 
an old tune I heard twenty years ago ; and I'm afraid, if 
I don't catch it, I sha'n't sleep. You'll drive it out of my 
head. 

Frederic. Stuff ! Anthony, I say, I need your advice 
immensely. I do, indeed. 

Anthony. Fred, you know you never take my advice 
when you get it. Another love-affair, of course? 

Frederic. What do you mean by "of course " ? Yes : 
it's a love-affair, I confess. You remember, don't you, I 
told you about Eleanor, and how I came to know her ? 

Anthony. No, I don't. Eleanor ? Oh, yes ! that girl 
that peeped at you over a wall in Longwood, I think. 
That's the last you told me of. Another one since ? 

Frederic. Another since ? Of course not. That was 
only four days ago. Do you think I'm a gorilla? No, no! 
We saw each other over that wall I told you of, and fell 
mutually in love instantly — instantly! 

Anthony. I'll answer lor your part, Fred. 

Frederic. But the deuce of it is, I can't get at her. 
She's kept in a regular prison. 



LYING WILL OUT. 7 

Anthony. A prison ? 

Frederic. Yes. Her father is a misanthrope of the 
worst kind, she tells me, and hates everybody. He lives in 
what he calls his den; and Eleanor has never been outside 
of it since the old curmudgeon moved in. High wall all 
round the place, and a big ditch outside the wall. 

Anthony. I say, Fred, this grows interesting. Good 
material for an opera. The father a basso profundo, of 
course. 

Frederic. Well, we discussed our difficulties over the 
wall — 

Anthony. Ay, a duet. 

Frederic. Till she overcame her first timid scruples — 

Anthony. Andante, changing to allegro. 

Frederic. And then I tossed a note over, and she 
answered with another ditto ; then I kissed her hand from 
a tree — 

Anthony. Splendid stage effect ! 

Frederic. And yesterday I swore I would get over the 
wall, cost what it might. So I rode out to the place on 
horseback, tied my horse in a clump of trees, and com- 
menced the assault. Eleanor wasn't there. 

Anthony. Just the situation for a swell on the trom- 
bones, — solemn as possible. 

Frederic. While I was scrambling across the infernal 
ditch, I heard voices inside shouting, " Thieves ! robbers ! " 
Then came a shot, and a bullet whistled close by my ear. 

Anthony. The deuce ! This is serious. 

Frederic. Of course I took the back track, and ran to 
mv horse. But, before I could get to him, came shouts in 
the other direction, — people attracted by the shot, I sup- 
pose. 

Anthony. A chorus ! 

Frederic. And I hear more cries of "Stop thief!" 
and threats to shoot. 

Anthony. Allegro assai ! 

Frederic. But I finally get mounted, and give my horse 
the spur ; and, dashing through a cornfield, over a fence, back 
I ride like fury to town. Now, what shall I do next ? 

Anthony. Ay, ay ! What we want is the grand finale. 

Frederic. Pooh, Tony! Confound it all, you haven't 
heard a word I've been saying ! 



8 LYING WILL OUT. 

Anthony. I have, I have. 

Frederic. Then give me the best advice you can. 
Shall I get her to elope ? 

Anthony. Elope ? Yes, excellent ! Elope by all means. 

Frederic. Resign her I will not. Her father (old tyrant !) 
is inaccessible : he never admits even a postman. If I can 
only see her once more ! Your suggestion, Tony, is admir- 
able. Elope with her I will, I swear ! 

Anthony. Yes ; and tell me all the details, — word for 
word, mind. 

Frederic. I will. I'll furnish your finale, Tony, trust 
to me. 

Anthony. Good ! You'll stay to tea, of course ? Well, 
I must run. {Exit R. U. E.) 

Frederic. O Eleanor, poor pining prisoner ! I'll release 
you from your captivity, if I have to cross swords with Satan 
himself. They fancy they've driven me off for good, no 
doubt. No better time than the present, then, to have 
another try at that wall. I'll pull down the house, but I'll 
see her this time. {Looks at his watch.) Ha ! set off in an 
hour. 

{Enter Caroline, l.) 

Caroline. Why, Fred ! you here ? And thinking, too, 
— a miracle indeed ! 

Frederic. I was thinking of you, Carrie. 

Caroline. Don't fib, sir. Shame on you ! Of all the 
sins I hate the most, the most detestable — Say something 
more probable, at all events. But oh, Fred, I'm in the 
greatest distress! I've lost the emerald bracelet Edward 
gave me, and with it a bundle of letters I wouldn't have any 
one find for the world. 

Frederic. Where did you lose them ? 
{Enter Sophia, r.) 

Sophia. Ah, Fred ! You here ? Plotting some mischief, 
I dare say. 

Caroline. Fred, never mind her. You know Sophia. 
She's a little put out, just now, — no wonder, poor soul! 
She always plagues us a little at such times. She don't 
mean any harm. 

Sophia. So I plague you all, do I ? Humph ! I'm sure 
I've enough to drive me crazy. 

Frederic. Sophia, you seem in a delicious temper, I 
must say. {Picks up his hat.) 



LYING WILL OUT. 9 

Sophia. O Fred ! don't go yet. Don't be angry. Stay 
to tea. We see so little of you. 

Frederic. Very good ! Any thing to oblige. But 
you'll have to be good-natured, then, not bite my head off. 

Sophia {aside to Caroline). Where are the letters ? 

Caroline. O Sophia, can you ever forgive me ? 

Sophia. Speak! speak! 

Caroline. I've lost them, and my bracelet too. 

Sophia. Fiddlestick for your bracelet ! Oh ! why did I 
trust you with them ? {Wrings her hands.) 

Frederic. Sophie, what on earth is the matter? 

Sophia {crossly). Nothing, nothing. Let me alone. 

Frederic. P-r-r-r-r-r-r ! Another storm brewing ! 

Sophia {aside). Hunt for them, hunt for them ! Oh, if 
Anthony were to know of them ! {Exit R.) 

Frederic. Carrie, what the deuce is the matter with 
Sophie? 

Caroline. She has good reason for being cross this 
time. I've a great mind to let you into the secret, — in con- 
fidence, mind. 

Frederic. Of course. Go ahead. Hear me swear ! 

Caroline. Well, then, while Sophia was at school, she 
was silly enough to exchange a few sentimental letters with 
a young man named Perkins. 

Frederic. Perkins ? What ! not — 

Caroline. Pooh ! Nothing of the sort. W T ell, she soon 
tired of the man, of course; for he was as stupid as possible, 
and didn't know how to love, even ; and she has long wished 
and tried to get her letters out of his hands. * She has never 
dared to mention them to Anthony — as if he would care, 
poor dear ! So she got me to write to Mr. Perkins to de- 
mand them. He agreed to give them up, but demanded a 
personal interview. 

Frederic. Fair enough, too. 

Caroline. We had to submit, at all events, and met 
him yesterday in a grove just beyond Longwood, where he 
finally surrendered them to me. I wrapped them up with 
my broken bracelet, in the same parcel ; and, O Fred, I 
must have left them on the bench where we sat ! She's 
crazy till she gets them again. 

Frederic. I'll hunt for the package, Carrie. Near 
Longwood, you say. {Aside) Very apropos. 



IO LYING WILL OUT. 

{Enter Anthony, humming an air.) 

Caroline {pushing table to a). Mind, Fred, don't breathe 
a syllable of it to hi?n. 

Frederic. Oh, no! certainly not. He's in the clouds, 
as usual. 

{Exit Caroline, r.) 

Frederic {slaps Anthony on shoulder). A piece of our 
new opera, Tony ? 

Anthony {starts). Ah, Fred ! it's the most extraordinary 
thing too. Do you know, try as hard as I can, I can't for 
the life of me catch it. 

Frederic. Catch what? 

Anthony. The air you heard me humming. It's a bit 
I heard a great many years ago, and it haunts me. It 
was part of a cantata, or some such thing, — no, an opera, 
I think, — written by my old music-master, which disap- 
pointed the public, and got hissed. But there were many 
good things in it ; and this particular air always delighted 
me. 

{Enter Caroline, r., with tablecloth, tray, and tea-things ; 
sets tabled) 

Frederic. And what became of the old hissee ? 

Anthony. The who? 

Frederic. The hissee, the composer, the author. 

Anthony. Oh! Ah ! I can't tell you. It soured him, 
and he disappeared. He left New York with a daughter, 
a year or two old; and went, nobody knew where. (Aside.) 
Fred, you've nothing more to tell me yet, about — you 
know ? Eh ? (Frederic draws him aside.) 
{Enter Sophia, r., with basket of cake ; sets it 071 table. 
Caroline sits, and makes the tea.) 

Sophia. Caroline, what do you suppose those two 
wretches are plotting there ? Some mischief. Anthony ! 

Anthony. Yes, dear, in a moment. 

Sophia. Tea's ready. Take your seat. Humph ! Fine 
doings, no doubt! Frederic, let my husband alone. I don't 
want him made any worse than he is. 

Frederic {comes forward). Sister, you seem to think 
me a perfect scapegrace. {All sit.) 

Sophia. You're a man. That's enough. 
(Enter Edward, c.) 

Frederic. Here's the doctor. Tell him so. 



LYING WILL OUT. II 

Edward. Tell me what? (Sits at table, front r. corner.) 

Frederic. That you are a scapegrace, a rascal, ex neces- 
sitate / 

Caroline. Fred, Sophia was only in jest. 

Sophia. No, I was not. You'll find Edward out some 
day, too, I've no doubt. 

Caroline. Sophia, how can you? Really, you go too 
far. 

Sophia. Not a bit. Pray, Dr. Quaver, where were you 
all yesterday afternoon ? 

Edward (aside). A good opportunity to bring in my 
horse-story. Shall I ? 

Sophia. Well, why don't you tell us ? 

Edward. I — I — Where was I yesterday ? Oh, yes ! 
ah ! out riding horseback. 

All. Horseback ! You ! 

Edward. Certainly. Why not? 

Caroline. Edward, dear, I'm amazed. I never knew 
you to ride horseback in my life. Do you think it's quite 
safe ? 

Edward. Didn't you? Oh! because — because — oh! 
I'm not a bad rider, I assure you. 

Frederic. Where did you learn it ? 

Edward. Oh ! — hem — at college. 

Sophia. Indeed! I always understood you were quite 
poor at college. 

Edward. Yes, true. A friend used to lend me his 
horse. 

Frederic. Where did you hire your horse yesterday, 
doctor ? We'll ride together. 

Edward. Well — I ride so rarely — 

Frederic. Oh! we'll correct that. Where did you get 
him ? 

Edward. From — from — what's his name's. Down 
the street — oh! yes, Garcelon's. 

Frederic. Garcelon's ? What horse of his did you 
take ? 

Edward. His black. 

Frederic. I didn't know he had a black saddle-horse. 
I thought I knew every horse in his stable too. 

Edward. Did I say black ? I meant white. White, of 
course. 



12 LYING WILL OUT. 

Frederic. His white ! You must be a better horseman 
than I took you for, to ride that horse. 

Edward. I noticed nothing particular in him. 

Frederic. But he shies so. 

Edward. Oh! shies — yes, come to think of it, perhaps 
he did shy a little. A touch of the whip cured that, however. 

Frederic. Whip! And he didn't have you over his 
head ? 

Edward. No, no, what am I thinking of? I remember 
now I had no whip yesterday. 

Frederic. I thought Garcelon wouldn't have trusted 
you with a whip. Where did you ride ? 

Edward. Oh ! round the country. 

Frederic. What part ? 

Edward. What part ? Oh ! hem. Out over the Tre- 
mont road. 

Frederic. Tremont road ! Why, it's closed for repairs. 

Edward. No, no, not the Tremont road, of course. I 
meant to say the Milldam. 

Anthony. What time was this, brother? 

Edward. Towards sunset, I think. 

Anthony. Queer I didn't see you. I was walking there 
just about that time. 

Frederic. And which of the branches did you take ? 

Edward. The — the middle one. 

Frederic. Through Longwood? 

Edward. Yes, I believe so. 

Frederic. And did you see another person out there 
on horseback ? On a white horse ? 

Edward (wiping his forehead). No, I think not. For 
heaven's sake, let's change the subject. Suppose we all go 
to the Handel and Haydn to-night. 

Caroline (rises). Oh, charming ! So we will. 

Sophia (rises). Come, Anthony, dear, let's go too. I'll 
run up stairs for my things. (Exit R.) 

Anthony. You a rider? Prodigious! Strange I never 
heard of it before. (Exit R.) 

(Fred rises; Caroline begins to put together the things) 

Frederick. I'll walk with you only a part of the way, 
Carrie. I have an engagement. (Takes hat.) 

Edward (still sitting, aside). Phew ! I breathe once 
more. What an ordeal ! Heavens ! how many lies have I 



LYING WILL OUT. 13 

told already? A dozen, at least. It's not so easy as I 
imagined. But where the pleasure comes in, I do not ex- 
actly see yet. 

Caroline {on Edward's arm). Come, Edward. I hear 
Sophia coming. We must get ready. 

Edward. Certainly. Why, Caroline, where's your 
bracelet ? Don't you wear it ? 

Caroline. Oh, of course ! But it's injured a little, and 
I've left it at a jeweller's to be mended. (Edward looks up 
at her quickly': she casts down her eyes.) {Aside.) Oh 
dear, another fib ! 

{Enter Anthony and Sophia, r.) 

(Drop.) 



14 LYING WILL OUT. 



ACT II. 



Scene. — The Den in Longwood; room; window c, backed 
by garden, with chair and work-basket j piano L.; Eleanor 
at window, working; evening. 

Eleanor. Oh, if they had shot him last evening ! What 
will he think of me ? Shall I go to father, and confess all ? 
I dare not. He would separate us forever. Is the world so 
wicked a place as father says? It cannot be, with dear 
Frederic in it. He is so good, so noble ! I saw he was, the 
moment he looked over the wall that first happy, happy after- 
noon. Ah, here is father ! 

{Enter Arkwright and Growl, r. i. e.) 

Arkwright. Aha! I knew we should have no more 
trouble. That thief will never dare to come here again. 

Growl. Perhaps not — if it was a thief. 

Arkwright. If it was a thief? What else could it 
have been, Tom Growl ? 

Growl. The gardener told me the fellow was handsomely 
dressed, and rode off on a fine white horse. Thieves don't 
usually ride fine white horses, I take it. 

Arkwright. And who do you take him to be ? 

Growl. Perhaps a lover. 

Arkwright. A lover? Bah! Of whom ? the cook ? 

Growl. No ; your daughter. 

Arkwright. My daughter? Tom Growl, you are a 
fool. Not a living soul in trousers has set foot inside my 
wall for these ten years except you and old Doctor Brown. 
You're a blockhead. 

Growl. Perhaps I am, — hum ! 

Arkwright. What the devil do you mean with your 
" hum " ? Are you drunk ? 

Growl. No such luck ! — Oh, nothing! She may have 
seen some one, notwithstanding. 

Arkwright. How could she? 

Growl. Over the wall perhaps. I've seen her standing 
on the hillock pretty often lately. 



LYING WILL OUT. 1 5 

Arkwright. And whom should she see? a peddler? 
Pshaw, Tom Growl ! if Eleanor had seen anybody whatever, 
she'd have told me at once. She's candor itself. It's only 
out in the world that girls learn to conceal and deceive. A 
lover ! pshaw ! No, Tom : I've promised her to you, and have 
her you shall. Don't be an ass. Well, well, put those guns 
away, Tom : we sha'n't want them again. 

Growl. Shall I fire them off? They might be danger- 
ous. 

Arkwright. Dangerous ? You don't mean to say they 
were loaded last night ? 

Growl. Yes, I do. 

Arkwright. What ! not with bullets ? 

Growl. Of course they were. 

Arkwright. But you might have hit him, then. 

Growl. Well, what then ? Ain't you a misanthrope ? 

Arkwright. Of course I am; but I don't want to be 
shooting people. Horrible ! Yes, fire them off, by all means, 
but not over the wall. 

Growl. Very well, sir. (Exit R. I. e.) 

Arkwright. Tut, tut! Here's a blockhead shooting 
real bullets at people. But what if Tom is right? Eleanor, 
Eleanor, I say! 

(Eleanor rises, and comes down.) 

Eleanor. Did you call me, papa? 

Arkwright. Yes, child. Come here. My darling Elea- 
nor, the world is full, full of wickedness. 

Eleanor. Is it, papa ? 

Arkwright. Yes. I know it by bitter experience. I 
composed an opera once, — a masterpiece, a divine, a glo- 
rious work, — and it was hissed; hissed off the stage; 
hissed, I tell you. Oh, fiends and furies ! 

Eleanor. Poor papa! 

Arkwright. I felt a profound loathing for a world so 
degraded, so vile, and fled from it forever. Eleanor, the 
thought that you, too, may one day writhe under its poisonous 
sting fills me with anguish. 

Eleanor. Oh, dreadful, papa ! 

Arkwright. I am sure, my darling, you have no desire 
to suffer as your father has suffered ? To struggle and die 
in the folds of the social anaconda? To be crushed into a 
shapeless mass beneath the Juggernaut wheels of society? 



1 6 LYING WILL OUT. 

To be roasted on the slanderous gridiron which the world 
keeps ever heated for its victims? 

Eleanor. No, indeed, papa. 

Arkwright. Of course you don't. {Aside.) Tom 
Growl is an ass ! Eleanor, you are my only child, and I 
would fain guard you from such a fate. The inexorable 
finger of Death already points me out. You will need a 
protector when I am gone. 

Eleanor. Don't, papa. 

Arkwright. Eleanor, listen. Your cousin Tom Growl 
is a noble soul : without, an uncut diamond ; a high-minded 
gentleman within. He alone, of all the world, appreciates 
my music. And he appreciates you, my darling. You shall 
marry him at once. 

Eleanor. Ah, papa, papa ! {Covers face with handker- 
chief.) 

Arkwright {after a pause). Well, child, do you not 

thank me ? Why are you silent ? ( Takes away handkerchief) 

Tears ? Nay, nay, dear me ! Blushes ! Ha ! He tells me 

he sees you often looking over the garden-wall. Is it true ? 

{A shot heard. Stage gradually darkens.) 

Eleanor {screams, and falls on her knees). Father! 

father ! 

Arkwright. Nonsense, child! It's only Tom empty- 
ing the guns. {Raises her.) Compose yourself, Eleanor. 
Be calm ! Avoid the wall, my precious. You mean no 
harm, but the peril is enormous. Well, you know my inten- 
tions now. You shall be married in a week, and be as 
happy as the day is long, — yes, as the day is long. I'm 
going now to play my new symphony for Tom's opinion. 
Resume your sewing at the window, and listen to it. 

Eleanor {goes to window). Oh, me ! What shall I do ? 

1 cannot marry Tom ! I shall die ! I shall die ! O Fred- 
eric ! 

{Enter Growl, with candle; Arkwright sits at piano; 
Growl stands by him, both with their backs to window^) 
Arkwright. Tom, attend. Eleanor, I have taught you, 
that, according to my system, there is nothing, nothing, 
which cannot be expressed as distinctly in music as in 
words. Listen to this. I'll explain to you as I go on. 
The subject is "A Whaling Voyage." {Plays.) This 
opening, Eleanor, represents the ship getting her anchor 



LYING WILL OUT. 17 

up. Now a cow is going aboard. That dominant in C is 
her bellowing. 

{Moonlight in the garden^ 
Frederic {outside the window). Pst ! — sh ! — pst ! _ 
Eleanor {starts, and looks out). Heavens ! it's Frederic ! 
Arkwright {plays). Now the ship leaves her moorings. 
Up comes the anchor ! See, Eleanor, that B-sharp is the 
creaking of the cable, to the life. ' ' ^ 

Eleanor. Yes, papa : it's beautiful. {Aside.) Alas! 1 
cannot get away. 

Arkwright. Bang ! That's the signal gun. 
Eleanor (*«<&). How rash of him ! Thank Heaven, 
the guns are not loaded ! 

Arkwright {playing). The ship begins to move over 
the billows. . .... 

Eleanor. Gracious ! He's climbing up the trellis [ > 
Arkwright. These movements depict the ship arriving 
at the whaling grounds. 

Frederic {appears at window). Eleanor ! _ ' ' ' , 
Eleanor. Heavens, Frederic ! father is here ! Fly, fly ! 
Frederic. He can't see me. 
Arkwright (plays). No whales in sight. 
Frederic. At last, dearest, I see you face to face. 
Arkwright. A whale is discovered at last. 
Frederic. Put your sweet hand in mine, loved one. I 
swore to see you to-night, cost what it might. 

Arkwright. Now the captain prepares to pursue the 
finny prey. Listen to this, Eleanor. 
Frederic. Eleanor, do you love me ? 
Eleanor. Yes, papa. I do, I do, dear Frederic, — too, 
too much. 

Frederic. And will you be my wife? 
Arkwright. The captain is now registering the usual 
oath to capture the monster, or die in the attempt. 
Eleanor. Alas, what shall I say ? My father — 
Frederic. He loves you. He will consent at last. 
Arkwright. Now a harpoon goes hissing through the 
air. 

Eleanor. No, no : he is inexorable. 
Arkwright. The whale is maddened. Eleanor, do you 
hear that boat smashed ? 

Frederic. Why should your father object? I adore 
you — I am rich — 



1 8 LYING WILL OUT. 

Arkwright {playing). The whale is full of oil and blub- 
ber. 

Eleanor. Alas, Frederic, he has promised me to 
Cousin Tom ! 

Frederic. Cousin Tom ! That scarecrow ! that impos- 
tor ! Eleanor ! 

Eleanor. It will kill me ! 

Arkwright. The whale gives up the ghost. 

Eleanor. My heart will break ! 

Arkwright. Now they are cutting him up. 

Frederic. Rather death than such a fate as that ! 

Arkwright. Eleanor, are you listening? Did you hear 
the blubber sizzle ? 

Eleanor. What, oh what can I do ? I shall die ! 

Frederic. Darling ! Elope, fly with me. 

Eleanor. Elope ! What, leave my father ! 

Frederic. Only for a day. We will return as soon as 
we are married. 

Arkwright. The ship now prepares to return to port. 

Frederic. Say you consent, dear one. Say you con- 
sent. 

Eleanor. I cannot — oh, I cannot! 

Frederic. Will you marry Tom Growl ? 

Eleanor. Never ! Alas ! Frederic, the gate is always 
locked. I could not escape if I would. 

Frederic. I'll carry you off to-morrow. 

Eleanor. To-morrow ! 

Frederic. Yes, your dressmaker is admitted here, you 
told me. Leave it to me. 

Arkwright (playing). The ship enters her haven. 
These closing bars represent the joy of the villagers at her 
return. 

Eleanor. I faint with terror J Hush, the music is end- 
ing. Fly ! 

Frederic. Good-night, dearest, — to-morrow ! (Climbs 
down.) 

Arkwright (closes piano). As magnificent a composi- 
tion as I ever wrote, I say it without vanity. 

Growl. Very fine indeed, uncle. (Yawns). Superb. 
A masterpiece indeed. (Yawns.) 

Arkwright. Tom, you are right; quite right. You're 
a whole-souled fellow, Tom. But I see you're exhausted, 



LYING WILL OUT. 1$ 

Tom. Your delicate nervous system is suffering from 
excess of pleasure. You'd better get to bed at once. 

Growl {yawns). Thank you, uncle, perhaps I had. 
Good-night, sir. Good-night, Eleanor. {Exit.) 

Arkwright. Eleanor, you'll be very happy with Tom, — 
very happy. He is a treasure. Good-night, child. Run to 
bed now. Don't sit up. {Exit) 

Eleanor {leans out of window). He is climbing the 
wall! He is over. Safe! What shall I do? Fly? De- 
ceive my father? Terrible! Marry Cousin Tom! Ugh! 
How sweetly he whispered, Dear Eleanor / No wicked per- 
son could have said it so like an angel ! Good-night, dear, 
dear Frederic ! 

{Stands at window kissing her hand) 

(Drop.) 



20 LYING WILL OUT. 



ACT III. 



Room in Dr. Edward Quaver's house, handsomely fur- 
nished ; door c. ; a piano at side of room, l. Anthony 
Quaver discovered seated at piano; plays and pauses; 
plays again. 

(Enter Edward, Sophia, and Caroline, c.) 

Edward. Hallo ! here's Anthony. 

Anthony. Eh? Yes, Ned, I'm composing. It was so 
hot in my own study ! What brings you three here together ? 

Caroline. We came to inspect the new furniture and 
things. 

Edward. Caroline, shall we commence operations ? 
This way. (All three exeunt R.) 

Anthony (plays a little). No, it's quite useless. I can- 
not recall that tormenting melody. I'll go take a long walk 
to freshen my brains. (Exit R.) 

(Enter Caroline and Sophia c.) 

Sophia. The curtains are lovely ! Ah ! my husband's 
gone. Where did you leave Edward ? 

Caroline. He's measuring for the large mirror. 

Sophia. Caroline, doesn't that horseback-story alarm 
you ? There's some mystery in it, you may depend. 

Caroline. I'm sure there's nothing wrong. 

Sophia. Did you observe how reluctant he was to men- 
tion where he went? 

Caroline. Sophia, I won't hear another word about it. 
Why do you try to tease me ? 

Sophia. Very well : you'll see. You'll go to Longwood 
this afternoon for the letters ? 

Caroline. And my bracelet. Yes, certainly. 

Sophia. We must hoodwink Edward about our disap- 
pearance somehow. 

Caroline. Alas, yes ! I suppose we must. I hate to 
do it, he is so frank, so truthful. 

Sophia. It can't be helped for once ; and, as for his 
being truthful and frank — Hoity, toity ! Hush ! here he 
comes. 



LYING WILL OUT. 21 

{Enter Edward, r.) 

Edward. I find there's plenty of room for the looking- 
glass, Carrie. 

Caroline. How nice ! Well, Sophia, we must really be 
going. 

Edward. So soon ? 

Caroline. We have some calls to make this afternoon. 

Edward. On whom? 

Caroline. Oh, fiddlesticks, Edward dear ! too many to 
mention. However, if you insist, — let me see — 

Edward. No, no, I don't insist. Don't tax your dear 
little brain if you're tired. I called at your jeweller's this 
morning for your bracelet, Carrie, but he knew nothing of 
it. 

Caroline. My bracelet ? Oh, thank you ! I left it at a 
new place, — not Shreve's, this time. 
{A knock) 

Edward. Come in. 

{Enter Montacute Sharp, c.) 

Sharp. Doctor, good afternoon ! Ladies, your most 
obedient. Doctor, if you can spare me a moment — 

Edward. Certainly. 

Caroline. Shall we go away ? 

Sharp. No, no. Doctor, I have been instructed to bring 
a suit against you — 

Edward. Against met for what? 

Sharp. An action of trespass. 

Edward. Trespass ? on whom ? where ? 

Sharp. Oh ! it's a small matter. You rode out horseback 
day before yesterday, I believe ? 

Edward. No, I didn't {glances at Caroline) — yes, 
that is — certainly. 

Sharp. Towards or beyond Longwood? to a grove out 
there, and a Den? 

Edward. Grove ? Yes, yes ! A grove, certainly ; but 
I know nothing of a den. 

Sharp. And did you cross a cornfield ? 

Edward. Certainly not ; didn't leave the main road. 

Sharp. A Mr. Furrow, a farmer out there, swears you 
did, and did him a good deal of damage. 

Edward. The deuce he does ! 

Sharp. And that you rode as if you wanted to break 
your neck. 



22 LYING WILL OUT. 

Edward. It's not so, I tell you. 

Sharp. Furrow says so — on a splendid white horse. 

Sophia. What a fearful hurry you must have been in, 
Edward ! 

Edward. I give you my honor — well, well. 

Sharp. Furrow is as angry about it as a man can well 
be. Still, if you positively deny leaving the road — 

Edward. No. It may be possible I did for a moment 
— a short distance. 

Caroline. How dangerous, Edward ! You might have 
killed yourself. A cornfield too ! 

Edward. Pooh ! a gentle trot. Well, Sharp, what had 
I better do? 

Sharp. Settle it, I suggest. Twenty dollars will do it, 
no doubt. 

Edward. Good. Will you see to it ? 

Sharp. Certainly. Good-morning, ladies. 
(A knock.) 

Edward. I'm getting pretty deep in the mire. Come 
in. 

(Enter Chief of Police Tookem, door c.) 

Tookem. Dr. Quaver, I believe. Doctor, can I have a 
word or two with you ? 

Sharp. Ah, ha ! if the police are interfering, I'd better 
vamose at once. (Exit c.) 

Tookem. Doctor, I've received a very hot letter from a 
gentleman named Arkwright, of Longwood, who dates his 
note from his Den. 

Edward. The Den again ! This is insufferable. Well, 
sir ? 

Sophia (aside). Caroline ! you see ! 

Tookem. He writes that a burglary has lately been 
attempted on his premises. A man tried, day before yes- 
terday, to get across his ditch, and over his wall ; that he 
fired on him, and he rode away across some cornfields, on a 
large white horse. 

Edward. Good heavens ! You don't believe me capa- 
ble of a burglary ? 

Tookem. Certainly not. Your testimony may be im- 
portant, however. Your brother tells me you were out there 
in that neighborhood. 

Edward. Yes, I was near there (glancing at Caro- 
line) ; but I saw nobody. 



LYING WILL OUT. 2$ 

Tookem. What time ? 

Edward. About — about seven. 

Tookem. Yes. Well, I shall probably call you as a 
witness — 

Edward. In court ? 

Tookem. Of course. A mere trifle when you get used 
to it. 

Edward. Great Jove ! After all, I did dismount once, 
I remember now — to pick a — a nymphcea alba, or some 
such plant. 

Tookem. Near a high brick wall ? 

Edward. Well, very probably. 

Tookem. Ah, that explains it. He took you for a 
burglar, and got frightened. 

Edward. You won't want my evidence now, eh ? 

Tookem. No, I think not. I shall caution the old gen- 
tleman to be a trifle less handy with his gun. Excuse my 
troubling you, sir. Good-day. 

Edward. No trouble. Much obliged. {Shows him 
out.) 

Sophia (aside). Caroline, what do you think now? How 
frightened he was at the thought of testifying ! 

Caroline. Of course. A most disagreeable duty. 

Sophia. Bah ! Edward, your ride seems to get you 
into unheard-of difficulties. The whole city seems to be 
talking of it. 

Edward. Yes. It's the most extraordinary concatena- 
tion of circumstances I ever knew. However, it's all over 
now, and I trust I shall never hear the subject mentioned 
again. 

Sophia. I hope so. Come, Caroline. 

Edward. I won't ask you again where you are going. 

Caroline. Goodness, Edward ! we have a call to make 
on Mrs. Curtis of Mount Ver — 

Edward. No, no : I won't listen. 

Caroline. Edward, you said yesterday you had never 
heard of the Den ; and yet it seems you went so near it that 
they took you for a thief. 

Edward. Yes — oh — ah — I didn't notice the place. 

Sophia. Ah! just like your poor brother, — always up in 
the clouds ! Come, sister. (Exeunt c.) 

Edward. Ugh ! what an avalanche of troubles ! I've 



24 LYING WILL OUT. 

ridden a horse I never saw, to a grove I never heard of; 
paid twenty dollars I never owed; picked a flower that never 
grew ; and been shot at for a burglar. If Caroline hadn't 
been here, I'd have made a clean breast of it. I've a leis- 
ure evening before me ; I'll go out to that infernal Den, and 
study the ground, so as to make my story hang together. 
And, if I ever indulge in another fib, call me ass, and 
kick me on the spot. {Exit R.) 



Scene changes to the grove; a bench with parcel lying on it, 
l. c. Enter Frederic, r., dressed in a woman's gown, 
mantilla, bonnet, and veil j a bundle in his hands, contain- 
ing coat and soft hat. 

Frederic. I make a sweet dressmaker, don't I ? But to 
work! What if she refuses to elope? Bah! She won't. 
Now, how shall I get out again when I'm once inside ? Over 
the wall, of course. Courage ! {Exit L.) 

Edward {enters r.). This must be the spot. Come, there is 
a sort of excitement in lying. I've done pretty well for a new 
hand, I think. That's the wall of the Den, no doubt, — ay, 
ay. Ah, a woman is going in at the gate ! What a stride 
she has ! {Goes to bench.) Ah, she's left a parcel ! What's 
here? A bracelet! Caroline's! {Tears open parcel.) So, 
another falsehood! Letters "for Mrs. Quaver." Sophia! 
Indeed! Very fine ! {Pochets package.) Let me look about 
here a little further. {Exit l.) 

{Enter Caroline and Sophia, l.) 

Sophia {hunts about). They are not here. I am ruined. 

Caroline. This is the place, I'm certain. Oh! what 
shall I say to Edward about my bracelet ? 

Sophia. A fiddlestick for your bracelet! Tell him the 
truth. But my letters ! Oh ! if Anthony — 

Caroline. Pshaw ! Tell him the truth too. 

Sophia {at side, l.). Caroline, come here, quick ! Who's 
that ? 

Caroline. Edward! Is it possible? 

Sophia. Now what do you say? This is why he was 
so ready to have us leave him. Ay, ay. 

Caroline. Sophia, I hate you! Come, — the carriage ! 
He mustn't see us here for the world. {Exeunt r.) 



LYING WILL OUT. 25 

{Enter Anthony, l.) 

Anthony. Ha, what a walk I've had ! Where am I ? 
Egad, I've not the faintest idea! {Sits on bench, and hums 
an air.) That's the first half of it, I'm certain. {Continues 
to hum.) 

{Enter Eleanor, l., in dress worn by Frederic.) 

Eleanor. Oh, heavens ! what can detain Frederic ? 
Oh, if he should have been detected by father ! Ah-h-h-h ! 
a man! 

Anthony. Hallo! a girl — and alone! Why do you 
scream, my child ? {Comes down.) What alarms you ? 
(Eleanor weeps.) Have you lost your way? Can I not 
help you ? 

Eleanor. Oh, sir ! — oh, oh ! 

Anthony. How did you get here ? Do you live in the 
neighborhood ? (Eleanor nods.) I can be of no help to 
you till you tell me your grief. 

Eleanor. Oh, sir ! take all I have, but spare my life. 
{Aside.) He don't look so very wicked. 

Anthony. My child, I have no designs on your life. Ha, 
ha ! Come, what's the matter ? 

Eleanor. Oh, sir ! I — I'm afraid you'll — {sobs) — you'll 
think me very naughty — 

Anthony. Well, well, speak. 

Eleanor. I've run away. 

Anthony. Indeed ! and why? 

Eleanor. Because I had — {sobs) — to marry a man I 
hate. 

Anthony. Oho ! And you like some one else better, I 
dare say. 

Eleanor. Yes, sir. {Sobs.) 

Anthony. And does your lover know of your running 
away ? 

Eleanor. He asked me to do it. 

Anthony. And where is he ? 

Eleanor. He can't get out — 

Anthony. From where ? 

Eleanor {points). There. The Den : papa's house. 

Anthony. What ! And is his name Frederic? 

Eleanor. You know him, sir ? 

Anthony. The scamp! He's done it. Yes, dear: I 
know him very well. 



26 LYING WILL OUT. 

Eleanor. Oh, sir ! what shall I do ? He came to the 
house dressed in these clothes, and I put them on. He 
told me to wait for him here, and he don't come; and I'm 
afraid he can't get out, and is caught. (Sods.) Oh, dear ! 
oh, dear ! They will kill him ; and the world is so wicked 
— and I don't know where to go. 

Anthony (aside). Now what shall I do ? I have it ! 
I'll take her to Ned's new house, and then hunt him up, 
and let him know. Come with me, my child. No harm 
shall happen to you. 

Eleanor. And Frederic? 

Anthony. Have no fears about Frederic, dear. He'll 
take care of himself. Dry your tears, and come with me. 
Don't be frightened. I'll take care of you. (Exeunt.) 



LYING WILL OUT. 2.J 



ACT IV. 

Scene. — Next morning. Edward's new house. Same as 
in Act III. On table the package of letters. 

Anthony {enters hastily, a). Couldn't find Ned last night 
anywhere ! I must calm the apprehensions of that dear 
child. {Sees package) Ah ! for my wife ! I'll take charge 
of these. {Pockets letters) Hallo ! {Knocks, door l. u. e.) 
My darling ! It's only I. Come out. 

Eleanor {opens, and comes down). Oh, sir ! have you 
seen Frederic? 

Anthony. No, not yet. 

Eleanor. Alas ! Papa has killed him! 

Anthony. Pooh, pooh, child! They told me at his 
lodgings that he came in about eleven, in a frenzy, and 
rushed out again directly. 

Eleanor. He is alive, then ! 

Anthony. Oh, yes! no fear. Trust to me, dear. All 
will go well, depend on it. 

Eleanor. ' And father ? He'll hunt for me everywhere 
— find me here {sobs) — carry me home — marry me to cousin 
Tom instantly ! Oh, dear ! oh, dear ! 

Anthony. Stuff and nonsense ! He can't find you 
here. I'll go again, and try to find my brother. Wait 
patiently till I return. {Exit c.) 

Eleanor. Heaven be praised, Frederic is still living! 
{Exit into chamber) 

{Enter Edward and Caroline, r.) 

Sophia {outside). I'll take a look at the kitchen-range, 
Caroline. I have my doubts about the flue. 

Edward. Caroline, let me return you your bracelet. I 
received it from your new jeweller. 

Caroline. O Edward! have some indulgence for me. 
You don't know how I was situated when I told you that 
fib. 

Edward {turns to get it). Why, it's gone ! Perhaps I 
left it in one of the other rooms. Caroline, I hope you did 
not go alone to that grove ? 



28 LYING WILL OUT. 

Caroline. No. Sophia was with me. Don't ask why. 
The affair was hers. But, Edward, dear, may I ask what 
takes you to the grove so often ? I saw you there yesterday 
myself, when we went to find the letters. 

Edward. So that was your call on Mrs. Curtis ! 

Caroline. Why do you go to Longwood so often, I ask 
you ? 

Edward {aside). How infernally tedious this lying is 
becoming ! I suppose I must keep it up. Oh, I — I — I 
was botanizing. A sort of heath-cabbage, the erica, grows 
there, and I wanted a few specimens. It's a favorite food 
with bees. 

Caroline. Confess now, Edward. It sounds very im- 
probable that you should go so far to get heath-cabbage. 

Edward (aside). This is getting to be awful. I feel my- 
self blushing all over. 

Caroline (aside). Can Sophia be right? He blushes! 
No, he is too true, too noble — 

Sophia (enters a). • Edward, your bosom-friend, the chief 
of police, is asking for you again. 

Edward. Again ? Furies ! (Goes to door.) 

Caroline (aside). The letters are here. 

Sophia. You told him nothing? 

Caroline. Certainly not. ■ 

Edward. Walk in, Mr. Tookem. 

Tookem (enters c). Ladies, good-morning ! I regret that 
my errand is still a disagreeable one. 

Edward. What now ? 

Tookem. Doctor, a fresh complaint. It seems a cow 
was shot that evening near the Den, and some laborers 
swear you did it. They heard a shot, and saw you rush 
away on a white horse. 

Edward. Indeed! This is delicious indeed! I shall 
be accused of murder and arson next. 

Caroline. O Edward ! surely it was not you. Why 
did you kill that poor dear cow ? 

Edward. I never shot a cow in my life. Absurd ! What 
should I go shooting cows for? 

(Enter Arkwright, c.) 

Arkwright. So, here is the villain. Let me at him ! 
Let me kill him, I say ! 

Caroline. Edward, what does this mean ? Who is this 
man? 



LYING WILL OUT. 29 

Edward. I don't know in the least; some madman. 
Sir, your conduct is extremely offensive. 

Arkwright. Is your name Quaver? 

Edward. It is. 

Arkwright. Then, sir, you are the infamous scoundrel 
I want. Policeman, seize this monster ; arrest him. 

Edward. Sir, are you mad ? 

Arkwright. Mad? Wretch, you have destroyed my 
happiness forever. 

Caroline. Edward, explain, I implore, — I demand. 

Edward. I can't. Sir, your shouting is monstrous. 
What is your business ? 

Arkwright. Robbing! theft! kidnapping! 

Edward. Mad, mad! 

Sophia. Caroline, what did I tell you? 

Arkwright. Take down the charge, officer ; arrest this 
villain. 

Tookem. Go easy, sir ; state the facts. 

Arkwright. Very well, sir. (Shouts.) Yesterday I de- 
manded your protection against burglars. 

Tookem. Oho ! you are Mr. Arkwright, I take it. Very 
well, Mr. Arkwright. Your fears of burglary were ground- 
less. 

Arkwright. Groundless ? It's already committed. I've 
been robbed again, I tell you. 

All. Robbed ? 

Arkwright. My treasure, my — my masterpiece, sir, 

— yes, my daughter, my only daughter, sir, has been stolen, 

— stolen. 

Sophia. I see it all. Oh, the atrocious wretch ! 

Arkwright. And there stands the robber. 

Edward. Take him away; he is mad, — stark mad. 

Arkwright. Mad? Oh, I'll be revenged! A man 
lurking about my garden last night, a break in my wall, my 
daughter missing ! She has been kidnapped, — kidnapped, 
kidnapped ! Villain, where is my child ? 

Edward. This is monstrous, insufferable. 

Arkwright. Wretch, you deny it ? Officer, this monster 
has ridden out every day for months, on a white horse, to my 
place. My shame lies at his door. Oh, the fiend! the — 
the abductor ! the — the desecrator ! 

Edward. I must confess the truth ; I can lie no longer. 



30 



LYING WILL OUT. 



Caroline. What ! lie ? you ? 

Sophia. He confesses, he confesses. The wretch ! 

Edward. I was never at this wretched old man's place 
in my life. 

Too'KEM. You told me only yesterday you had been. 

Edward. I invented the whole story, to laugh at Caro- 
line. 

Caroline. But I saw you there, myself, only last even- 
ing. 

Edward {striking his forehead). You did ! You did ! 

Sophia. He confesses his guilt, 

Caroline. Ah, me ! {Sinks into a chair.) 

Edward {shouting). I swear to you that was the first 
and only time. I never set eyes on this madman before in 
my life, nor his daughter. 

{Enter Tom Growl, c.) 

Growl. Mr. Arkwright, she's here ! I saw her looking 
out of the window ! 

Edward. Another maniac ! There's not a soul in this 
house, outside of this room. 

Arkwright. 'Tis false ! She's here ! 

Edward. She's not, I say. 

Growl. I saw her ! 

Edward. No, I say. No, no, no, no, no ! 

Growl {joints). That's the very room, I'll take my 
davy. {Comes down L.) 

Edward. Caroline, satisfy this lunatic. Show him the 
room is empty. Go with them, Sophia. 

(Caroline and Sophia exeunt door l. u. e.) 

Arkwright {striding about stage). O villain ! Revenge ! 
revenge ! 

Caroline {outside). Oh, I am deceived ! betrayed ! 

Sophia {enters with Eleanor, followed by Caroline). 
Come along, you trollop ! 

Eleanor. Oh, heavens ! my father ! 

Arkwright (r. c.). Yes, your father, shameless hussy! 

Edward (r.). Are all the fiends of the pit leagued to 
torment me ? 

Caroline {comes down l. ; weeps). O Edward ! have I 
deserved this ? 

Sophia (l. c.). It's too abominable ! But I always pre- 
dicted it. 



LYING WILL OUT. 31 

Edward. I am utterly bewildered. I shall go mad ! 
Sophia. First, sir, you took a ride — 
Caroline. And then you didn't — 
Sophia. First, you'd never seen Longwood — 
Caroline. And I saw you there, myself, only yesterday. 
Sophia. You didn't know this poor man's daughter by 
sight — • 

Caroline. And I find her hidden in your own house. 
Edward. Caroline, hear me ! 
Caroline. This is your heath-cabbage. (Weeps.) 
Edward. Caroline, I implore you — 
Caroline. That the bees like ! 

Edward. Would you see me a raving maniac before 
your eyes ? 

Caroline. Don't speak to me, sir. Go to your erica — 
your heath-cabbage ! 

Arkwright. Revenge ! revenge ! 

Edward. These accusations are totally false, totally 
groundless. 

Arkwright. This is too infamous! Villain! marry the 
hussy instantly. Growl, go find a clergyman. 

Edward. Silence, old dotard ! I can't marry her. I'm 
engaged to this lady. 

Caroline. No, sir ; no. I renounce you forever ! 
Arkwright. Engaged, and kidnap my daughter ! In- 
famous dog ! I'll have your worthless life ! 

Sophia. Wretch! And my husband may be doing it 
next ! 

Edward. Caroline, I beg, I entreat — hear me — 
Sophia (supporting Caroline). I never felt any confi- 
dence in you, sir. I never do in any man. But such a 
depth of depravity as this, even I never imagined. Poor, 
dear, suffering thing ! 

Edward. Girl, how came you in my house? Speak. 
Tookem, attend. Did you ever see me before ? (A paused 
Look at me. Answer. 
Eleanor (faintly). No. 

Arkwright. No ! Never saw him ? Your kidnapper, 
your betrayer, your — your — 
Edward. Did I kidnap you? 
Eleanor. No. % 

Edward. Silence ! How came you in my house ? Who 
brought you here ? 



32 LYING WILL OUT. 

Eleanor {faintly). Your brother. 

Sophia. My husband! Oh the deceitful monster! 

Arkwright. Husband ! This is fearful ! Shameless 
hussy ! 

Sophia. My husband kidnap a girl, and not tell me! 
Oh, I am dying, I am dying ! oh ! oh ! 

{Enter Anthony, c.) 

Anthony. O Ned! I've been hunting for you all over 
town. (Starts back.) 

Arkwright. This is the scoundrel, then ! Ha ! Fu- 
ries ! (Seizes him by collar, and brings him down stage.) 

Sophia (seizes him on other side). Traitor, behold your 
work ! behold the ruin you have wrought ! 

Anthony. Bless my soul ! what do you mean, Sophia ? 

Sophia. I didn't suppose you could be quite so aban- 
doned ! Oh, oh ! 

Edward. Explain, Anthony. 

Anthony. Let go of my collar. Explain what ? 

Sophia. Unblushing woman-stealer ! How dare you 
look me in the face ? 

Edward. Did you bring this young woman to my house, 
or not ? 

Anthony. I did. 

Arkwright. He confesses ! 

Sophia. He's too ashamed of himself to lie. Oh, you'll 
repent this ! 

Edward. Why did you? 

Anthony. I acted for the best — my goodness of heart — 

Arkwright. Hang such goodness of heart ! Stealing 
my daughter! Oh ! I'll break every bone in your body. 

Anthony. I found her. 

Arkwright. Bah ! liar. 

Anthony. Young woman, did I find you, or not ? 

Eleanor. Yes. (Weeps) 

Anthony. You were eloping with some one else. Wasn't 
it so? 

Eleanor. Yes. 

Anthony. I found her in Longwood, by accident — 

Sophia. Beautiful accident ! Oh, you abandoned traitor ! 

Anthony. She begged me to help her: so I brought 
her here, meaning to tell Edward. But he couldn't be 
found. So, in my embarrassment, you see — 



LYING WILL OUT. 33 

Arkwright. Zounds ! I will know who is the villain ! 

Anthony. Ask your daughter herself. 

Arkwright. Eleanor, who is it ? 

Eleanor. I — I don't want to tell — 

Arkwright. You must ; you shall. 

Eleanor. Fr — Fr — Frederic. 

All. Frederic ! 

Anthony. Yes, Frederic ! He loves her to distraction. 
Old man, old man, see what your obstinacy has led to ! 

Arkwright. Would you drive me mad, sir ? Who is 
this Frederic ? Where is he ? 

{Enter Frederic, c.) 

Frederic. Where is she? Eleanor, my darling, my 
treasure, do I find you once more ! Oh, what a night of 
misery I have passed ! 

Anthony. Ah, all right now ! I'm out of this scrape ! 
{Retires up.) 

Frederic ' {embraces Eleanor). But all my wretched- 
ness is ended now ! 

Arkwright. This before my very eyes ! So, sir, you 
stole my daughter? You shall hang for this. Why did 
you steal her ? 

Frederic. Because I love her, — adore her. 

Arkwright. How did you get to know her? 

Frederic. Over the wall. 

Arkwright. When? 

Frederic. A week ago, sir. 

Arkwright. And she never told me! This is her 
boasted candor ! Atrocious child ! 

Eleanor. Oh, father ! Pardon ! Pardon ! 

Arkwright. Silence ! Tom Growl, get me a carriage. 
{Exit Growl, c.) 

Frederic. Oh, sir! will you, can you, be so cruel ? 

Arkwright. Useless! I'm inexorable! The fellow 
who runs away with a daughter of mine forfeits her from 
that moment. 

Frederic. Would you doom both of us to a life of mis- 
ery ? 

Arkwright. Fudge! Stuff! Out of my way ! 
(Anthony, who has seated hiinself at the piano, now plays 
the forgotten air. Arkwright starts.) 

Caroline. Poor thing ! my heart bleeds for her. 



34 LYING WILL OUT. 

(Arkwright begins to sob.) 

Caroline. What is this ? Is the old wretch turning 
suddenly imbecile ? 

Edward. His mind has given way, I fear, indeed. 

Arkwright {rushing to Anthony). Where did you learn 
that air ? where, I say ? 

Anthony. This air ? Oh ! I had forgotten myself. From 
an old opera I heard once in New York. 

Arkwright. And have remembered it so long? You 
loved it then ; yet the opera was damned. 

Anthony. Yes, but unjustly. Many parts of it are still 
great favorites. 

Arkwright. Is it possible ? Eleanor, the world is not 
so evil as I thought. 

Anthony. Why, bless my soul ! Now I see you nearer, 
you must be — you are my old teacher, Mr. Semitone. 

Arkwright. I bore that name in happier times, till the 
world scorned it. 

Anthony. Surely, sir, you remember me, — Anthony 
Quaver, your old pupil ? 

Arkwright. Quaver? I do, I do. (Wiping his eyes.) 
You still love your old master's music, then ? Anthony, you 
have poured a flood of happiness through my darkened soul. 

Frederic. Pour another through our souls, Mr. Ark- 
wright. 

Arkwright. Eleanor, the world looks brighter, brighter. 
I never felt so happy in my life. 

Eleanor. Dear papa ! then grant me your forgiveness. 

Arkwright. Nay, my child : forgive 7ne, rather, for all 
my harshness, my cruelty. Be happy, my children ; marry, 
and be happy. 

Eleanor and Frederic. Best, best of fathers ! 

Sophia (wiping her eyes). Anthony, I have done you 
an injustice. 

Anthony. Pooh, pooh, wife ! let it pass. Here's some- 
thing belongs to you. (Takes out packaged) 

Sophia. And you haven't opened it? O Anthony, An- 
thony, what an angel you are ! (Retires up) 

Caroline. Edward, I have wronged you. But what an 
escape you have had ! Confess now, fibbing is not so easy 
as you fancied. 

Edward. I do, Caroline, I do. It is tremendous. I own 
up. 



LYING WILL OUT. 



35 



Growl {opens door). Carriage is here, uncle. 

Arkwright. Get into it yourself, you dog ! — ha, ha ! — 
and get the Den ready for a wedding in the twinkling of a 
bedpost. 

Growl {joyfully). A wedding ? 

Arkwright. Not yours, you dog! don't hope it. I've 
changed my mind. 

Growl. Fiends and furies ! (Exit, slamming door) 

Arkwright. Children, we'll have the wedding next 
week; and no such trash as Mendelssohn's march either. 
No. You shall march to the altar to the strains of " The 
Whaling Voyage," — a far finer composition, though I say 
it who shouldn't; and I'm sure the ladies and gentlemen 
present agree with me. 

{Disposition of characters at fall of curtain) 




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M 



Edited by Geouge M. Baker. 
Price, cloth, 50 cents ; paper, 15 cents. 

CONTENTS. 



A Royal Princess Christina G. Rossetti. 

A Reminiscence H. B. Hooker, D.D. 

The Last Hymn Marianne Famingham 

The Fool's Prayer Atlantic. 

The Dead Student Will Carleton. 

Greatest Walk on Record 

Drawing Water 

This Side and That George Macdonald. 

Civil War Anonymous. 

A Modern Sermon 

That Calf Phoebe Gary. 

The New Dixie G. L. C. 

The National Game 

Unple Mellick Dines with his Master . • . J. R. Eggleston. 

Maud's Misery 

San Benito Helen M. Gilbert. 

How Rand a went over the River . • • . C. C. Coffin. 

The Ladies Mark Twain. 

Two Fishers Harper's Weekly. 

Left Alone at Eighty 

" Dashing Rod," Trooper S. Conant Foster. 

Orient Yourself Horace Mann. 

Rhymes at Random 

The Carpenter's Wooing, and the Sequel . . Tawcob Strauss. 

A Humorous Dare-Devil Bulwer. 

Hohenlinden Campbell. 

St. Leon's Toast 

The Patriot Spy F. M. Finch. 

How Neighbor Wilkins got Religion . . . James Berry Bensel 

Jim Wolfe and the Cats Mark Twain. 

Pledge to the Dead William Winter. 

A London Bee Story Quiz. 

A College Widow Acta Columbiana. 

u He Giveth His Beloved Sleep " . . . . J. C. Huntington. 

Hannibal at the Altar Elijah Kellogg. 

Creeds of the Bells J.W. Bungay. 

The Pomological Society 

Ave Maria Cornhill Magazine 

The Singer's Alms 

Family Portraits . . School for Scandal. 

The Irish Boy and the Priest 

The Retort 

A Free Seat «... 

Paddle Your Own Canoe 

All 'b Well that Ends Well 

Jimmy Butler and the Owl ...... Anonymous. 

A Modern Heroine Elizabeth Cuming$. 

Down Hill with the Brakes Off 9. H. Jessop. 

On the Channel Boat G. L. C. 

The Pin . 

Sold by all booksellers and newsdealers, and sent by mail, post paid, <m 
receipt of price. 

LEE & SHEPARD, Publishers, Boston. 



You will find both Wit and Sentiment in the 50 Choice Selections in the 

Reading-Club and Handy Speaker. 

Edited by George M. Baker. 
Price, cloth, SO cents ; paper, 15 cents. 

CONTENTS. 



You will fin 

U 



the 



Vir 



ins 



Stron 



Tennyson. 
Bulwer. 
Michael Lynch. 
Francis S. Osgood. 
Lucy Wade Herrick. 
H.H. 



The Defence of Lucknow 
Paul Clifford's Defence . 
The Outlaw's Yarn . 
Labor is Worship 
The Legend of the White Hand 
Two Dreams . 
People will Laugh . 
" Christianos ad Leones ! " . 
Ballad of the Bell-Tower 
A Sermon for the Sisters 
Mrs. Brown at the Play- 
Dutch Security . 
From One Stand-point . 
The Captive .... 
The Peril of the Mines . 
Aunt Phillis's Guest 
Annie's Ticket . 
Along the Line . 
The Divorce Feast . 
The Indian Warrior's Defence 
The Farmer and the Barrister 
Yankee Courtship . 
London Zoological Gardens 
Apples — A Comedy 

Old Grimes 

Daisy's Faith .... 
Father William .... 
Parody on tl Father William " 
The Grave of the Greyhound 
A New Version of the Parable of: 
Song of the Mystic . 
The Fast Mail . . 
De 'Sperience ob de Reb'rend Quacko 
The Patter of the Shingle 
The Girl of the Crisis . 
The Rich Man and the Poor Man 
A Colored Debating Society 
Shiftless Neighbor Ball 
Lanty Leary 

The Baron's Last Banquet 
The Last of the Sarpints 
The Dilemma . . 
A Brick .... 
An Evangel 
A Thirsty Boy . 
Masked Batteries 
The Story of the Tiles 
The City Man and Setting Hen 
Miss Edith's Modest Request 
The Man with a Bear 
Sold by all booksellers and newsdealers, and sent by mail, post-paid, on 
receipt of price. 

LEE & SHEPARD, Publishers, Boston. 



Francis A. Durivage. 
Margaret J. Preston. 
Irwin Russell. 
Arthur Sketchley. 

M. F. Butts. 
Henry Phillips, Jr. 

Wm. C. Gannett. 

Irwin Russell. 



Horace Smith. 



Blackwood's Magazine. 

A. G. Green. 

Joanna H. Matheivs. 

li. Southey. 

Adventures in Wonderland. 

Spencer. 

Father Ryan. 
John H. Yates. 



Walter Smith. 
Khemnitzer. 

Mrs. Annie Preston. 
Samtiel Lover. 
A. G. Green. 



O. W. Holmes. 



Burlington Hawkeye. 
" Vanity Verses." 
Golden Age. 

Bret Harte. 



•' The whole art of elocution is succinctly set forth in this sma| 
rolume, which might be judiciously included among the text 
books of schools." — New-Orleans Picayune. 

elocutioFsTmplified, 

WITH AN APPENDIX ON 

LISPING, STAMMERING, AND OTHER IMPEDIMENTS OF SPEECH, 

BY WALTER K. FOBES, 
Graduate of the "£oston School of Oratory.** 

Cloth. 16mo. 50 cents. Paper, 30 cents. 

' "It is a book that is admirably fitted to be used as a text-book 
in our public schools, and, if introduced, would certainly lead to a 
marked improvement in that much-neglected art, — the art of read- 
ing and speaking well. The volume contains an Introduction by 
George M. Baker, author of the Reading-Club Series, which might 
be read with advantage by clergymen, students, teachers, singers, 
speakers, lawyers, and all persons who have a taste for reading, 
and who consider reading aloud in the social or home circle as 
one of the most instructive, pleasing, and healthful pastimes in 
which we can indulge. Defective speech, as lisping, stammering, 
stuttering, &c, can be entirely cured by a steady and diligent 
practice of elocution. Unpleasant voices — either shrill, nasal, 
throaty, husky, or with any other disagreeable quality — can be 
made agreeable by practice of elocution ; and, as an aid in this 
matter, ' Elocution Simplified ' is, without doubt, one of the best 
books ever offered to the public to accomplish the desired [result. 
The book, which is made up in ninety-four pages, is divided into 
four parts, — Physical Gymnastics, Vocal Gymnastics, Elocution, 
and Hints on Elocution ; and each part contains a set of rules that 
are most explicit in their relations to the subject treated of. The 
book is designed as a companion to Baker's Reading Club, but can 
be studied in any connection with much profit." — Manchester 
Mirror. 

"This volume is, as it claims, an epitome of elocution. In the 
estimation of all, good reading is an accomplishment, and should 
be made a daily drill in every school and college. This book is 
compact, free of every thing that is not essential ; and we heartily 
commend it." — Chicago Inter-Ocean. 

" Full' of just what is useful to make good readers and speak- 
ers." — Albany Times. 

g® 3 " "Any one who will carefully study and practise the teach- 
ings of this book will be able to greatly improve their reading and 
speaking." —Independent. 

Sold by all booksellers, and sent by mail, postpaid, on 
jeceipt of price. 

LEE & SHEPARD, Publishers, Boston. 



BETTER THAN GOLD 



A Drama in Four Acts. 



BY GEORGE M. BAKER. 

PRICE, 28 CENTS. 

Deservedly popular as are the plays written by Mr. George 
if. Baker, we have never seen or read any of his works which 
can equal " Better than Gold," which has just been published. 
The play is one which will become one of the greatest favorites 
among amateurs, and is sufficiently strong to merit a season 
upon the professional stage. The plot is cleverly conceived, 
and the parts are air good ones, which in proper hands must 
make the performance one pleasing to any audience. The 
parts are: a rather foolish old lawyer who weds a young wife, 
and is ruled by her; a noble-minded man who, as the years 
change, sees his fortune, his manhood, and his good name 
swept from him, till at last, maddened by drink, he kills his 
wife, the whole turning out to be but a dream < aused by his 
first drunken carouse; a good-natured, blundering young man; 
a dissipated and disinherited son, who by means of wine and 
gambling gains what he deems his birthright (a strong char- 
acter, if well taken); and a colored servant. The ladies' parts 
are: an elderly lady, the housekeeper; two parts of nearly 
equal importance, for the leading lady and first walking lady; 
and a lighter, but still important part. We give this list in 
order that companies in search of something tiew and power- 
ful may judge of the requirements of the piece. This play is 
so written that the first and last acts form a very pretty little 
play of themselves; and a company which would be unable to 
properly perform the entire play could make a success in 
these two acts. The second and third acts are supposed to be 
a dream, and the play is very good with the third act omitted 
However, the third act contains a good deal of heavy acting, 
and the opportunity will hardly be thrown away by the better 
companies, who have strong actors among their member*. — 
The Amateur Theatrical Journal. 



GEORGE M. BAKER & CO., Publishers, 

BOSTOISr 



f>lkyg fctf ^iiteuf 



BY GEORGE M. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

IllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllWlllllllllllllllIli 

016 102 888 5 



& 



Author of " Amateur Dramas" " The Mimic Stage,'" " The Social Stage," "The Drawing- 
Room Stage," " Handy Dramas," " The Exhibition Drama" "A Baker's Dozen," etc. 
Titles in this Type are New Plays. 
Titles in this Type are Temperance Plays. 



DRAMAS. 

In Four Acts. 

Better Than Gold. 7 male, 4 female 
char 

In Three Acts. 

Our Folks. 6 male, 5 female char. . . 
The Flower of the Family. 5 

male, 3 female char 

Enlisted for the War. 7 male, 3 fe- 
male characters. , . 

My Brother's Keeper. 5 male, 3 fe- 
male char 

The Little Brown Jug, 5 male, 3 
female char 

In Two Acts. 
Above the Clouds. 7 male, 3 female 

characters 

One Hundred Tears Ago. 7 male, 

4 female char 

Among the Breakers. 6 male, 4 female 

char 

Bread on the Waters. 5 male, 3 female 

char 

Down bv the Sea. 6 male, 3 female 

char 

Once on a Time. 4 male, 2 female char. 
The Last Loaf. 5 male, 3 female char. 

In One Act. 
Stand by the Flag. 5 male char. ^ . 
The Tempter. 3 male, 1 female char. 

COMEDIES AND FARCES. 

A Mysterious Disappearance. 4 

male, 3 female char 

Paddle Your Own Canoe. 7 male, 

3 female char. 

A Drop too Much. 4 male, 2 female 

characters 

A Little More Cider. 5 male, 3 fe- 
male char 

A Thorn Among the Roses. 2 male, 6 
female char. 

Never Say Die. 3 male, 3 female char. 

Seeing the Elephant. 6 male, 3 female 
char 

The Boston Dip. 4 male, 3 female char. 

The Duchess of Dublin. 6 male, 4 fe- 
male char 

Thirty Minutes for Refreshments. 

4 male, 3 female char 

We're all Teetotalers. 4 male, 2 fe- 
male char 

Male Characters Only. 

A Close Shave. 6 char. 

A Public Benefactor. 6 char 

A Sea of Troubles. 8 char 



COMEDIES, &c, continued. 

Male Characters Only. 

A Tender Attachment. 7 char. . . . xs 

Coals of Fire. 6 char. „ 15 

Freedom of the Press. 8 char. ... 15 

Shall Our Mothers Vote ? n char. 15 

Gentlemen of the Jury, 12 char. « . 15 

Humors of the Strike. 8 char. . . 15 

My Uncle the Captain. 6 char. . . 15 

New Brooms Sweep Clean. 6 char. . 15 

The Great Elixir. 9 char 15 

The Hypochondriac. 5 char 15 

The Man with the Demijohn. 4 

char. .■'.'. 15 

The Runaways. 4 char 15 

The Thief of Time. 6 char. . . . 15 

Wanted, a Male Cook. 4 char. . . , 15 

Female Characters Only. 

A Love of a Bonnet. 5 char. . . 15 

A Precious Pickle. 6 char 15 

No Ci^re no Pay. 7 char 15 

The Champion of Her Sex. 8 char. . 15 

The Greatest Plague in Life. 8cha. 15 

The Grecian Bend. 7 char. .... 15 

The Red Chignon. 6 char. .... 15 

Using the Weed. 7 char. 15 

ALLEGORIES. 

Arranged for Music and Tableaux. 

Lightheakt's Pilgrimage. 8 female 
char 15 

The Revolt of the Bees. 9 female 
char. . 15 

The Sculptor's Triumph, i male, 4 fe- 
male char 15 

The Tournament of Idylcourt. 10 
female char 15 

Thf "Var of the Roses. ' 8 female char. 15 

MUSICAL AND DRAMATIC. 

An Original Idea, i male, 1 female 
char, 15 

Bonbons ; or, the Paint King. 6 male, 
1 female char 25 

Capuletta ; or, Romeo and Juliet 
Restored. 3 male, 1 female char. . 15 

Santa Claus' Frolics 15 

Snow-bound ; or, Alonzo the Brave 
and the Fair Imogene. 3 male, 1 
female char • • 25 

The Merry Christmas of the Old 
Woman who lived in a Shoe. . . 15 

The Pedler of Very Nice. 7 male 
char • • •. • T S 

The Seven Ages. A Tableau Entertain- 
ment. Numerous male and female char. 15 

Too Late for the Train. 2 male char. 15 

The Visions of Freedom, ii female 



char. 



*5 



Geo. M. Baker & Co., 41-45 Franklin St., Boston. 



Baker's Humorous Dialogues. Male characters only. 25 cents. 
Baker's Humorous Dialogues. Female characters only. 25 cents. 



